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good morning by *warzonestoic:iconwarzonestoic:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Open


tip-toeing orange sunrise mixing itself
into my morning moonshine, which i've drank
every morning since the day the moon smiled loudly
and deafened my sight with its frozen yawn.

taste these fumes, painting the blank canvas
of my mind as mother nature dances
seductively, human nature boiling
my blood on a cold night, and though i've known her
for many years,  my passion burns the same.

i unbuttoned the stars in the sky
as if it were her navy-blue blouse,
revealing her sun-kissed skin beneath.
©2009 *warzonestoic
:iconwarzonestoic:

Author's Comments

-shawn-

Critiques


:icondaniweewee:
*DaniWeewee Nov 9, 2009, 12:40:01 PM
:wow:
i literally caught myself with my mouth gaping open.

whew ok - this piece is so original and beautiful - i'm stunned by the word choices - it's so lovely! :love:

:love:
"tip-toeing orange sunrise"
"the moon smiled loudly and deafened my sight with its frozen yawn"
"i unbuttoned the stars in the sky"
:love:

...ahem. ok now that i'm done gawking. :D

this is probably going to be just positive because i cannot see anything i can suggest to change at all! but here's the rundown anyway.

stanza 1
this is lovely - i really am drawn in by the image of the early morning being mixed with the remains of night ...and you drinking it is just so original and beautiful!

stanza 2
the transition from the nature image to the woman is stunning here and really makes it turn from a beautiful image to a passion - it internalizes it, and i love that!

stanza 3
this is where it becomes sort of a love affair - and i love the idea that you are in love with the beauty of a sunrise or mother nature. it's a beautiful and sexy image - so original for a nature poem! to be sexy! :wow:

stunning! stupendous!
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.
4 Replies

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Comments


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:iconcinderwolfeh:
~Cinderwolfeh Nov 7, 2009, 9:34:55 PM
This is Beautiful. Wonderful.

--
[link]

Go show her some love <3
:iconsilvernight72:
~SilverNight72 Nov 7, 2009, 9:46:45 PM
The last three lines? Very sexy~;P

--
"I want you to bring me the thong of Lisa Cuddy." -Gregory House, House M.D.
:iconwarzonestoic:
*warzonestoic Nov 7, 2009, 10:09:05 PM
thank you. thank you a trilion times.
:iconomgcherry:
~omgCherry Nov 7, 2009, 10:13:21 PM
I wholeheartedly concur.
And I thought I was the only one who was thinking that, LMAO!

--
That's right, I just went there.
:iconchrysshart:
=Chrysshart Nov 7, 2009, 10:14:36 PM
very nice. Beautiful and it actually goes well with the burning monks poem you posted earlier.

--
ChryssHart

"I have a literal lust for knowledge. Just ask Bryn, she was there when I Stumbled that etymology page. . . "
:iconcinderwolfeh:
~Cinderwolfeh Nov 7, 2009, 10:16:43 PM
Your welcome a trillion times. Your reply just made me smile. thank you.

--
[link]

Go show her some love <3
:iconwarzonestoic:
*warzonestoic Nov 7, 2009, 10:17:38 PM
same mindset when i wrote both of them.
tranquil... mystic... soul-drunk.
:iconwarzonestoic:
*warzonestoic Nov 7, 2009, 10:18:01 PM
if i knew how to smile, your comment
would do it.

you are a blessing. thank you.
:iconsilvernight72:
~SilverNight72 Nov 7, 2009, 10:21:48 PM
:highfive: Nope you're not the only one! :XD:

--
"I want you to bring me the thong of Lisa Cuddy." -Gregory House, House M.D.
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